Venice the first

Ahhh. Venice is just so...effortless, is maybe the word I want. In Paris and London you feel like you're fighting against the city to get anywhere. But Venice is the destination. Sure there are attractions, but the main pastime is strolling and photographing. And trying to block out the memory of that Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie movie.

You know there's the bit in 30 Rock about when you turn 30 and live alone you start saying to yourself "Careful, careful" when you're getting out of the bath. Well nerts to that, because my bathroom has an "I've fallen and I can't get up" alarm. I wonder if it can also be used to summon the lovely porter who knocked at my door before to give me a wee bag of Easter eggs?

Right outside my hotel.

Back down towards my hotel from the next bridge - it's that there yellow building.

I don't even know what this is, but it's simultaneously pretty cool and looks like it's just been stuck onto the front of a less-impressive building. 

Oh, this is from the vaporetto (water bus). I was flaming with envy that someone not only lives in Venice, but also has a tree-y rooftop terrace. Speaking of the vaporetto, I got a concession on my three-day pass because I'm under 30! I was giddy with glee about that.

Ponte dell'Accademia. Apparently there's only four bridges that cross the Grand Canal and this is one of them and it's right near my hotel. Stoked. 

Santa Maria della Salute from the vaporetto. Apparently this is a plague church. Common sense tells me that means it was built as thanks after the plague receded, wishful thinking makes me hope it's home to the world's most exclusive leper colony.

Bargain of the day: street sellers hawking replica Prada and Gucci and Chanel handbags right outside boutiques selling the actual thing. Oh for Karl Lagerfeld to come out and take on all of them at once using only the power of eccentricity to give them Chinese burns and stomach ulcers.

And I did like the Italians and had an espresso after lunch. It was awesome, like being kicked in the throat by mighty Thor. There's probably no returning to flat whites now.